可不可以帮我看看我的cover letter for scholarship application??

smileypig

我现在要申请一个奖学金，需要交上一封cover letter,内容是Submit a 500 word summary entitled “Expression of Interest in chosen area” (depending on the program you are applying for e.g. Science, Biotechnology Environmental Science or Marine Studies) to support your application. Within your summary please make comments using the headings provided below. This written summary forms a very important part of your application. This is your opportunity to express your interest in the sciences, what you have achieved to date and why you desire to pursue a career in the chosen area.
1. A serious interest in a career in Science, Biotechnology, Marine Studies or Environmental Science (include information on why you wish to study at UQ)
2. Summary of any previous activities or experiences (including voluntary activities) as evidence of your interest.
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我真的不懂该写些什么，终于写了一份粗略的稿， 想请各位帮我看看哪里需要改善的，有没有不必要的句子，文句顺畅吗，用词正确吗，有没有回答到他们要的headings呢？grammar error??   ：：

My name is ........, and I am applying for the Faculty of Biological and Chemical Sciences International Scholarship (Malaysia). Presently, I am a student working towards a Bachelor’s Degree in Biotechnology. Throughout my high school, I have an excellent academic record and even until now, I still manage to maintain a high level of academic achievement, which is a CGPA of 3.8/4.0. I believe that my excellent academic record makes me a good candidate for a scholarship.

It has been my childhood dream to be a scientist as science is one of my favourite subjects. After completing my high school as a science stream student, I realized that biotechnology was a path I must follow. The concept of Biotechnology aligned with my goal as it is all about the application of biological knowledge and techniques that uses living organisms to make or modify a product, or run a process, which will then contributes to the well-being of human lives, as well as our surrounding environments. For me, it is more interesting than studying pure science because biotechnology not only establishes a foundation of basic knowledge in biology and chemistry, but also includes the use of the knowledge for health, social or economic purpose, which can be very creative. Throughout my learning process, I often fascinated by the numerous application of the biological product, and it has inspired me to make greater effort in discovering the potential of biotechnology field, especially in the area of Microbial Biotechnology. After surveying various aspects of different universities, such as program outlines, laboratory facilities, teaching resources, research and reputation, I found that University of Queensland is the best option for me to continue my studies. I am confident that upon my graduation from UQ, I can gain sufficient practical experience, and also well- prepared for the competitive biotechnology industry in various sectors.

Attending college not only explores a wider array of subjects in science, but also explores myself. I was a partial scholarship holder in my college, and was required to work on campus through the weekly duty with different departments or programs. The most valuable experience will be the period when I was a will group facilitator (student tutor), in which I helped weaker students in those subjects I had taken. Through tutoring, I have developed the sense of responsibility and also the eagerness to study more on the subjects. This is because, to become a good tutor, extra understanding about the topic is essential in order to give clearer explanation. In another words, I have the opportunity to enhance my understanding on certain topics too. I have developed my laboratory skills and also learned to be a dynamic team player.


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谢谢大家，如果有犯规（用英文）请版主高抬贵手，我真的很需要人来给我意见啊～