我们的社会总高调分享孕事,却对流产避而不谈。近日,Facebook 创始人 Mark Zuckerberg以身试范,不只分享当爸爸的喜悦, 更勇敢提起夫妻俩曾流产三次的伤心过往。只因为流产从不只是失去一个宝宝,它是我们都该温柔理解的巨大伤痛。(推荐阅读:你没想像过的女性心酸!「我需要避孕药,因为...」)
父亲节即将来临, Facebook 创始人 Mark Zuckerberg 发布好消息说他即将当爸爸了,是个小女孩!同时他也向社会透露伤心过往,夫妻俩在此之前,太太 Priscilla Chan 已流产过三次:
“ We've been trying to have a child for a couple of years and have had three miscarriages along the way. You feel so hopeful when you learn you're going to have a child. ” “ You start imagining who they'll become and dreaming of hopes for their future. You start making plans, and then they're gone. It's a lonely experience. Most people don't discuss miscarriages because you worry your problems will distance you or reflect upon you — as if you're defective or did something to cause this. So you struggle on your own. ” 过去几年,我们不断尝试去怀有一个新生命,过程中流产过三次。 当你怀上小孩时,你觉得充满希望、你想像他们确切美好的未来、你开始计画⋯然后,他们就全消失了。这是一个很寂寞的经验,因为大部份的人并不谈论流产。你担心你的问题会使人离你远去,就好像你有缺陷、或是你做了什么坏事才导致如此。所以你独自一人挣扎、承受。
(photo credit:the guardian / Andrew Gombert / EPA)
Mark Zuckerberg 分享这段经历是因为人们对流产总是敬而远之,闭口不谈;希望藉此能给更多人带来希望、帮助人们坦然。他强调,我们都应该好好探讨流产的前因后果,拥有对流产的正确认知,并诚实面对逝去的痛。
流产不羞耻,练习说出你的痛 Miscarriage Association 是一帮助你面对并提供流产相关知识的外国组织(台湾目前较关注未婚怀孕议题),由一群经历过流产伤痛的人组成。在网站上,有许多人藉由写下故事、诗词、拍下影片等方式,记录他们流产的经历,想告诉世界上的女孩们,嘿,你不孤单,我能理解你的悲伤:
“ I’ve never cried so much in my whole life. I was walking about with an empty feeling where I should have been holding my baby. ” 我的人生从没哭得这么伤心过,我失神的走著,我应该是抱著我的宝宝而不是这种空荡的感觉。
“ I keep on thinking it’s a punishment. I must have done something wrong. ”我不断想这一定是种惩罚,我一定是做错了什么。
“After the operation [for an ectopic pregnancy] I was in complete shock. I had just found out I was pregnant and then it was suddenly all over. Not only had I lost the baby but I also felt physically damaged. Afterwards I focused on recovering physically, but emotionally I was completely numb.” 手术过后,我很惊恐,我才发现我怀了孕,接著突然没有了。我不只是失去一个宝宝,我受到非常巨大的伤害,就算专心养好身体,我的情感早已麻木不仁。
每个经历都独一无二,用你的方式纪念无缘的小生命
流产的纪念仪式有许多种,有的女孩会在回家途中买颗种子,种在花圃里,让孩子以另一种方式成长、陪伴在自己身边。歌手碧昂丝的老公 Jay-Z 为了庆祝女儿 Blue 的诞生,写了一首歌《 Glory 》。歌词中曾透露碧昂丝流产的经验与两人的悲伤:“ Last time the miscarriage was so tragic We was afraid you'd disappear, but nah, baby, you magic. ”
(photo credit:Miscarriage Association)
Miscarriage Association 则在每年的10月9日到15日,宣导 Babyloss Awareness Week ,并透过 Babyloss Awareness Ribbons ,纪念自己的孩子。丝带由粉红色与蓝色重叠,因为许多小孩在流产之前并不知道性别。或许你会觉得这是另一种颜色的刻板印象,但 Miscarriage Association 相信,不论是男孩或女孩,只要你觉得这样的方式能帮助你变得更好就够了。